Back to blogging

Mum died.

I started writing a blog years ago when it was new and edgy. I wrote about teaching and family life and home-based care and my studies and my garden and my interest in words.
Then I got a full time job and got too busy to have thoughts, much less write them down.
Then I saw this BlogJune thing, and thought: I used to blog. I could do that.
So I signed up.

But, faced with a page all I can think is that Mum died.

Mum was dad's caregiver, so now we're taking turns of a week or so each to come down here and care for dad. And grieve alongside him. And have too much time to think.

It's coming up six weeks since mum died.
The first week was easy. It was a shock that she died at all (she was supposed to get better), and I knew I'd end up being the one to write and deliver the retrospective talk at the funeral, so I had to keep myself together to be able to speak in public. So I stayed aloof.
Then, after the funeral, and after all the visitors went home, it was just me and dad (I did the first week after that), to sit and be quiet together, and be shocked by the fact that Mum died.

Week three I was back at work, and that was hard.

I felt like my grief was a rather quiet relative who had come to stay with me, and hovered behind my left shoulder. I'd be in the middle of a conversation, and I'd suddenly remember Grief was standing there, and I'd say: oh, I'm so sorry, have you met Grief? she's staying with me for a while.

The first thing almost everyone said when they saw me was variations of "I'm sorry for your loss". That was hard, but it would have been a whole lot harder if they'd not mentioned it. So I'm glad that's the culture there.

The next two weeks the quiet relative wasn't hovering so near, or present so often. But she would pop up unexpectedly from time to time. I learned to say: I'm carrying my mum a bit heavily today. That was ok.

This is week six, and I'm back with dad. We need to sort out coats and warm jumpers tomorrow, to give away now that it is Winter and people will want them. I want the memory of Mum to keep other people warm. I hope Dad will be comforted by that thought too.

What happened to the sandpit?

The sandpit of this blog title is at my house. It was built (by Bernard and me. I think Michael might have helped) when Elanor was four, and was a huge attraction when the children were young. I had other people's children in my garden for seven years - and they also enjoyed the sandpit in its time. (Ok, they went home nights.)

Last year "the sandpit" underwent a major transformation. I had stopped looking after little kids at home, and it became a vegetable garden.

It doesn't receive much sun for much of the year. (Ahem - 'none' for a lot of the year!) The 'interwebs' suggested that leafy greens did best in partial shade, so I planted in mint, silverbeet, kale, spinach and parsley. (I knew the parsley would do well because it self-sowed in the sand pit itself.)

So, if a great deal of forethought had been used, I would have had a 'before', 'during' and 'after photos. I didn't, so I'll just have to paint you a word picture.

The sandpit was pretty neglected for a year before I decided to give it a new life. Weeds (parsley!), old toys and junk. Yuk!

I googled, and obviously one should add lots of composted matter as the dirt was, by definition, 'sand'. Not ideal for growing plants, although definitely free-draining! One site also suggested lots of shredded newspapers on the sand before adding compost. And advised on what to plant in a shady (semi-shade in summer only) spot.

I didn't have enough compost to fill a volume 2m x 1.5m x 40cm all at once - that's a LOT of compost! So I hit on using a plank to section of 1/3 of the space first and plant that up. A few months later I had enough to fill a 2nd 1/3.

(Actually, I was impatient and hadn't left my compost to 'cook' long enough, so I spent 2 months pulling out little pumpkin seedlings which weren't part of the planting plan. That was kind of funny, and they've stopped turning up now.)

So the funky tiered look is more by luck than design, but I quite like it. I planted lots of little seedlings - lots from the garden centres, and then some I'd raised from seed. And a few months later it looked green and lush!

This sandpit garden has been giving me all the leafy greens we can manage to eat, and means I can use the sunny vege garden for things that really need the sun. (Oh, and the patch of silverbeet and spinach that I planted in the dead of winter and is still going strong.) I'll be really interested to see how long it keeps producing.

Now, instead of sitting in the sun digging a hole and filling it with water, I'm more likely to be pulling weeds, tending baby plants and picking food. And of course lots of messing about with mud and water. Still just as much fun. 

The joy of learning

This morning I dressed early, as I've signed up for relief teaching this week. A call could come anytime from 7am. When I wasn't called by 9.30 I was able to plan my day. It felt like an extra holiday day. (Yeah, yeah, I know, I don't get paid. Details!)

I did some desk work, had a haircut, and met Rowena in town for lunch. Then we went to my favourite 2nd hand bookshop for a browse. (Actually it's a "2nd hand anything" shop with a very good quality book wall. I'm not saying which shop.)

(Everyone is reading the Luminaries this Summer. Unless I borrow it sooner I expect to wait until it turns up on this bookshelf for $4. I wonder how long it'll take - there are lots of copies out there, but if it's very good it could be longer before people start letting them 'return to the wild' of 2nd hand shops. There were books from 2 summers ago there today.)

It's hard to explain the delight of a pile of books, especially when the house is full of piles of books, we've had new piles of books for Christmas, I have happy shelves full of piles of books in my office, and it can get quite stressful thinking of all the books I'll never get around to reading (or finishing).

The Steinbach has this to say in its introduction:
"My hope is that by the end of our journey together you will share with me what my role model, the late Richard Feynman, called "the pleasure of finding things out." Feynman, a Nobel laureate who was a legendary physicist, accomplished bongo drummer, and expert safe-cracker, summed up his lifetime of learning this way: "I was born not knowing and have only had a little time to change that here and there." I offer here stories of my efforts to add little bits of knowledge here and there to what I was born not knowing."

I like that. It's not about knowing "to know." More about knowing "to grow," to have a richer perspective by being about to bring the 'then and there' to the to 'here and now'.

It's also about learning about things, places, people. The nice thing about books is that someone has gone to the trouble of finding out and reflecting and putting down what they think is the most important (admittedly, for their purposes), in a handy package. Much easier than an old internet search.  

Anyway, I've just spent $16 on perhaps 60 hours of reading or more, of which I shall probably complete less than a 1/3, but it's not a test so I don't have to read any of them - I can dip as I choose. The thought is pure pleasure.

(The book on Tolkien is a gift for Elanor - I needn't read at all.)

And in a few years I'll return half of them to another 2nd hand shop to keep them in circulation.

Farewelling another child...

Sophie is off to Brazil for a year next Friday. With Katie and Rowena out flatting (R in Dunedin), it's going to be one quiet house. Only one daughter left. A bit sad when I think about this. Sophie has promised to blog at least twice a month. Wonder if I should start blogging again. Haven't decided. Have found out about postage to Brazil. I know *everyone* sends emails nowadays... but people really to *like* a hand written letter. (Don't have the address yet.)

International Play Association conference in Wales

Playcentre is sending a delegation to the International Play Association in Wales next week. Including me! Can't believe it's finally come around, after having planned this for over a year.

Playcentre is doing a kapahaka workshop, and symposium of several related papers (and discussion), and a static display with poster and dvd.

Just have final preparations to make. Actually write down the words for the presentation (;-) and get the business cards printed. And pack, of course.

Very exciting.

weather

It has been really odd weather here today. We're not used to humidity - that's an Auckland phenomenon - but we have had it today. Hot, hot, hot, and then it suddenly rains, but doesn't cool the day off, and hot, hot again.

Despite that I got outside to play with the water trough and hose, and sandpit, with the little kids for quite a while this afternoon. I was surprised at how dry the soil was when I did some weeding. Toddlers with buckets soon fixed that :-)

After dinner, and I was just sitting outside in my arm chair, watch the westering sun illuminate the black rain clouds. I was able to scarper back inside (with my upholstered chair) at the first drop.

I suppose we should take the kids to the beach. They can swim in rain or shine, and it'll cool them off.

Happiness is...

...three kinds of cake for dessert!

Well, there were three kins of cake, but we couldn't manage to eat them all for one dessert. We'll probably have to have some of one of them for breakfast, and there will still be more of all of them.

How did we come to have such a abundance of confections, you ask?

It was Rowena's birthday last week. But she was at camp, so this afternoon Elanor made a chocolate cake for her birthday, iced with chocolate icing and pink writing and blue flowers. Good job Elanor!

But at the same time Rowena was at afternoon tea at a friend's house (Sophie). The friend had made a cake for Rowena's birthday too (carrot), AND a cake for Anna's birthday as well (chocolate). But Anna wasn't able to come, so they had two large cakes and only 4 girls to eat them.

Sophie has a small family, so when it was time to come home she gave Rowena half of each cake to bring with her. So Rowena arrived home with 2 x 'nearly half' cakes, each about 10 cm tall - that's a LOT of cake!

Of course we sang for the one Elanor had made, and cut that first. Then we (not Ro - she was already ahead) had carrot cake too. But the 2nd chocolate cake (and all the other leftover cake) is just going to have to wait for breakfast. Or supper... :-)

Back to blogging

Ok, so the title is aspirational, but perhaps it would be good to blog occassionally.

My dedicated reader (only one!) has noticed my absence from the blogosphere, and commented on this with regret. I blame it all on facebook, which encourages quick, low effort, updates. But if I do one post today, that will be one more than last year, and you never know - it might become a habit.

(The theory is that if you perform an action every day for a month it will become a habit, and will become easier to maintain. Not yet sure if I have a commitment to one month...)

Anyway, what is today like here? Hot, windy, and I'm tired because I've just come back from one of those weekend meetings I have.

I did say on the Friday that I'd realised that I need to take better care of myself, and I do need to sleep. (This caused some amusement among my friends/colleagues, as I'm the one who gets my '2nd wind' in the evening and is then able to work until quite late.) And that perhaps we should agree to stop for the night at dinner, or 9pm, or something. Obviously we didn't agree that very strongly, because we worked much longer both evenings. Oh well... they can't say it's me keeping them up ever again.

That said, it was a useful, productive, and relatively relaxed meeting, so it's all good. And we seem to have gelled as a team and understanding each others' working styles.

Nice to be back with family this afternoon.

Mum and Dad are staying with Annie and family for the week. (They have come up to go to the World of Wearable Arts show this evening.)

Yesterday we took a drive to Palmerston North to see Grandma. That's dad's mum. She's 98 and living in a old folks home now.

Our visit was a surprise to her, and she was very pleased to see us. Big smiles. We chatted for a while, but it turns out that she is deafer than I had thought. I thought I was talking loudly and slowly telling her all about Katie being in Austria, but I wasn't sitting right next to her, so I think she missed most of it. Later she asked me about Katie - what's she doing now, is she at university, etc. So I sat right next to Grandma and told the story again. (I think I will write her a letter.)
The light was strong coming in the window, so Annie and my faces are in shade unfortunately. I was pleased I had the camera and remembered to get it out. I whipped off the first photo of Grandma (with mum) very quickly, as she gets tired of having her photo taken quite quickly and turns her face away. But something happened to make her laugh while we were setting up the 2nd groups, which meant she was a bit more animated for the photos.

Anzac Biscuits

Here is the recipe for Anzac Biscuits, out of the Edmond's Cook Book.

125g flour
150g sugar
1 cup coconut
1 cup rolled oats
100g butter
1 tablespoon golden syrup
1/2 teaspoon biarb soda
2 tablespoons boiling water

Mix together flour, sugar, coconut and rolled oats. Melt butter and golden syrup. Dissolve bicarb soda in the boiling water and add to butter and golden syrup. Make a well in the centre of flour, stir in the liquid. Place in spoonfuls on greased trays. Bake 15 to 20 minutes at 180 C (350 F).

And here is Elanor with her biscuits made today.

Sophie does Workshop as a subject at school. This is because she likes making things. She would have also done Soft Materials ('clothing' in another era), but they make really lame items in the 3rd form apparently.

So this year S has had units on wood (she made a tiny bookshelf - a divided box really) and metalwork (a cast frog). Her latest unit was on plastics.

Sophie finished her clock and was able to bring it home the day after Katie left for Austria. She was a bit disappointed that she couldn't show Katie - so, here it is!

Katie's rose

Matt gave Katie a really lovely single rose a couple of days before she went away. We have been enjoying looking at it. I thought I would post a photo so Kate could look at it again too. It's lasting really well.

Chocolate Chip Biscuit recipe

I found this recipe typed out while cleaning Katie's room after she left. Don't know where it has come from, but I thought I would copy it here in case she wanted it.

Chocolate Chip Biscuits

125g butter
1/2 cup caster sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
1 3/4 cups self raising flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
200g chocolate

Method:
Preheat over to 180. Grease trays. Beat butter and sugar to cream, (electric mixer if you have one). Add vanilla; beat in egg. Beat in flour and salt slowly. Mix in chocolate bits with wooden spoon. Roll dessert spoonfuls of mixture into balls, place on tray. Allow for spreading. Bake for about 12-15 mins or until golden.

If you have plain flour, remember to add some baking powder as well so they'll rise!

Happy birthday Sophie

Yesterday was Sophie's 14th birthday. Happy Birthday Sophie!!

Grandad came over for dinner, and we have lasagna and salad, followed by chocolate cake and cream, and then chocolates that Grandad had brought. We had balloons and candles, but I'll have to get some more, as I used up all the ones I had on hand.
Sophie has been wanting to turn 14 because now she is old enough to babysit for other people's children (and potentially get paid for it!), and she really likes some of the little 'friends' that I used to provide childcare for up to the end of last year. She has really missed seeing the little children after school and in holidays.

This might be an excuse for her to catch up with some of them. We often intend to invite them around for coffee and a play (coffee for the mothers - a play for the children), but, like many good intentions, we haven't actually got around to it yet. I do see some of the mothers and children at playgroup now and again.

Only a week until Katie leaves, and I'm already thinking that I'll have to blog more often so she knows what we are up to...

Full steam ahead with interviewing

It's full steam ahead with interviewing this week.

I've had two interviews and have one more this lunchtime. Each interview takes 30-45 minutes (not including travel and 'chatting' time), and then another 6-8 hours to transcribe I suppose. But transcribing is very intense work, so I can only do it for about an hour at a time.

In transcribing, you have the interview recorded in digital format, so it's playing in a screen on your computer. You listen to about 3-5 seconds, then stop it and type exactly what they said. And continue. If you didn't catch what they said you have to rewind by a bit and listen again - and again. If you have the situation where people are talking at the same time as each other (which does sometimes happen, even if they are not meaning to interrupt), then you might have to go over a portion of tape 6 or more times to catch each voice.

So why do this? Well, I'm researching people's experience of their child starting school. In some cases I ask questions and people have already thought about it and can answer quite succinctly. In other cases, people have to ponder and try to put their intuitions and feelings into words - whch can involve hesitations, and starting again, and sometimes if you are interviewing a couple (as I have been) they also build on each other. this can lead to some of the overlaps mentioned above. In a few cases I'm asking questions that people have not thought about before, and they are actively considering a new angle to what they were doing or why for the first time.

And the net benefit? Well, already a few things have cropped up where I'm thinking to myself if the school knew how this (sometimes they've done) appeared to parents, they would do it differently. And so on. So I hope to provide insights that will help early childhood centres and schools to be better (or more consistent) at helping parent help their child with the transition to school. That is, remove the aspect of "good luck" from whether any particular family actually gets the information and support they need.

Am annoyed. I just typed in a new post - and it disappeared! Don't know where it's gone.

I'm on Facebook

A couple of weeks ago I joined Facebook. This was mostly to find out what it is all about, and to see what Katie and Rowena do on it. But I have found it very interesting, and it can take up a bit of time.

The most important thing is to find some people you know who already have Facebook pages. You do this by searching their names or e-mail addresses. Once you find one person, you can look through their list of 'friends', and if you know anyone on their list, you can send a 'friend request' to that person as well.

What seems to work is to find a gregarious person from each of the different groups of people you have in your life (workmates, uni, interest groups, etc).

On Facebook I have created a 'fan page' - Eat More Toast. Basically as a way to find out how to create fan pages! I have also just started a farm in 'Farm Town', a game where you grow and sell crops and achieve higher levels which allow you to do more stuff. (I'm not really into fast paced games.)

Is it useful? Well, I've had enquiries about my books from a Facebook contact (I sent them off to the Playcentre Shop), and gave professional development on an issue to someone from my teacher training course. So, yes, it can be useful to be in contact with people.

Is it entertaining? Mostly if people are popping on now and then and updating their status, or giving a brief comment on what they are doing. There are a million games and quizzes you can do, but after the first dozen or so they are all a bit lame, so I don't bother any more. It's more interesting people's real life, not their fantasy ones.

Anyway, overall, highly recommended.

First real live interview

Well, I feel like my research is really taking off now. I've just done my first 'real live' interview. That is, not a pilot, but real data I'm going to use to develop the findings.

I was a bit nervous, and I blathered a bit at the start. But apart from that it went very well.

I have spent most of the day transcribing the interview. 25 minutes worth. It wouldn't have taken all that time except that transcribing is very intense work, and I couldn't do it for extended periods at a time. I had to take a lot of breaks.

Too much time hunched over the computer. Too much 'brain strain', listening closely to get every nuance down. And actually, quite a lot of typing (5000 words).

I have 11 more interviews, plus about 6 centre/school interviews, and other data collection, to go.

45 rules for life

I was sent this list via my mum and her cousin Gavin. I don't normally share these things, but this one sparkles.

Attributed to Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland ,
Ohio.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey
is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is
up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for
an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't
save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will
this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

New laptop

I've got a new laptop.

I have had a loptop for the past two years for Playcentre Federation work, and it's been a life saver - meaning I could be away from home without having to abandon my other work, and get Playcentre work done in an efficient way. (Increasing productivity - that'll please Bill English!) That Playcentre laptop will be passed on to another Federation Officer who needs a computer.

But this laptop is my own, and is research dedicated. It has been purchased with the help of the University. (Thank you VUW.) They are supposed to give masters and phd thesis students a range of resources to support their study, and it's the first time I've got anything from the Minimum Resourse Agreement, apart from free machine coffee in the staffroom at uni.

Bern has set up the applications, and I'm just setting up the settings the way I like them. And trying to find new keystroke combinations, 'cos using a touch-pad instead of a mouse is a pain in the neck. (Actually, just seeing the 'pointy thing' on the screen is a pain - must find a bigger 'pointer'.)

The laptop has quite a wide screen, and I think is bigger than my last one. So it's not one of the really slim-line ones. But it is the cheapest one we could find that would meet the specs required to get the subsidy, and would do what I want. It has the bonus that it comes with a Windows XP 'down-grade'! (Yes, I still perfer XP.)

I've just found a cool keystroke combination that lets me increase the size of what is on the screen at will, and this works well as it's a wide screen, so I can get it quite big without losing too much off the side of websites. (You can set up your screen to always make things large print, but this lets you change it up or down at a keystroke.)

Am also setting up my favourite websites.